Back to Her

"Hit me with a squirt gun."
"I think that'd hurt a bit."
"You know what I mean."

His eyebrow was cocked as he leaned forward over the table. He glanced out the window for a second and then back at her. He didn't think he was attractive, but he acted like it. Back at her.

"Yeah, I'm not quite sure what you mean."
"Look Brian, I just... I don't know. I want to feel real, like I'm someone worth the effort. I'm trying to get over this stupid break-up, I guess." A pause. "I swear, I'm done with boys."
Violet's voice wavered over the words. Some of the syllables came out louder than she intended. Brian always winced slightly at these moments. His sublime coolness always disappeared when coming face to face to these kinds of situations, more specifically, Violet.
"You say that every time, and God knows I hope you don't listen to yourself. I mean, otherwise this tender slice of meat will continue to develop frostbite in the freezer of raw emotion."
He gestured to himself.
"You see what I did there?"
Even he did not see what he did until after he said it. "Raw emotion? Slice of meat? This is gold here."
Violent managed to push out a half-laugh. She smiled and her red cheeks became taut. Brian started to reach for her hand on the table but stopped himself. He was never sure of his place. Well, their place. They both looked down at themselves and then at each other.
"Look, I'm really sick of picking myself up all the time. I'm tired of pushing myself into places that I'm going to have to pull myself out of later."
"With all that pushing and pulling, it's no wonder you're tired."
Brian was never good at advice, often throwing together clichés in a weird way that almost made them seem meaningful. That is, until he thought about them afterwards. Brian glanced out the window again.
Violet's eyes were reflecting too much again, and her nose remained a rose color that matched her cheeks. He held eye contact with her for a while, something he rarely did. He wasn't sure why this was. Brian didn't know if he was afraid of something, afraid of her looking past his jokes and awkward smile or afraid of her finally taking a good look at him only to realize what kind of person he was. He was afraid that she wouldn't like him. Of course, these were all stupid fears. In reality, he loved looking into her eyes like any romantic comedy would suggest. Sometimes, he would see his reflection in her pupils and he felt like some sort of magic had taken him over. Back at her. Perhaps this would have been handled better over the phone or through a letter. He was always good at those. There was a split second longer for him to think over his words before spitting the bad ones out, as if that would've stopped him. These awkward pauses in person he felt just revealed more of himself that he didn't mean to. He didn't need a defensive maneuver, seeing as he didn't need to be on the defensive with this girl, this person, this human being. She just wanted to be real.
Brian glanced out the window again. He pretended to be looking at the trees bordering the park outside, neatly organized according to a plan that would later prove to be impertinent, something he could relate to. He wasn't looking at the people walking by or the cars that glided along, holding other persons. His eyes always tried to focus on his reflection. He never thought himself a narcissist, but he would always stare at himself, trying to figure out what he was doing, holding a mental conversation with his mirror about what was going on. It was a confirmation of his own existence, whatever that may be.
He looked back at Violet, who was also looking out the window, when all of that came to mind.
"Stay here."
He left the cafe and was gone for a few minutes as Violent raised her own eyebrow and nodded.

A few minutes had past as Violet sat there alone.
*THWACK*
She jumped a little. Water had hit the window, distorting the trees, the cars, the persons.

It slowly fell down to reveal Brian hiding behind a neon yellow squirt gun, cocked eyebrow and all. His eyes followed the water for a second. Then back to her.

It was at this point that the author of this blog post realized how silly this whole story was and unintentionally made this awkward! And yet, he posted it! Only one life, I guess.

So I wrote this short story.
And I posted it.
And then I realized that yeah, I didn't like how it came together.

But it's too late to delete it.
This post has been seen.
So this is here now.

Ta-da. :P

Stand vs. Stance

Perhaps you changed in the last hour
Though I never knew where you started from
There's this rhythm and I'm sticking to it
Fluctuating just when I thought it was done

Enough about your eyes, your perfect system
Maybe in the end, it's all the same
Another chance, another reason
To try and forget about this game

There is no stand off
There is no way home
There is no blank check
Changing this room tone

Background noise makes me remember
That the days are all put together
The water is deep, but the walls will hold
Maybe we'll end up for the better

There is no danger
There is no loser
There is no outcome
Fit for the future

When the night comes back around
And we pretend it's never been different
Will I still shedding care
About what you said to him?

There's a time and a place to confess but I don't think that this is it
There's too many "whens" and not enough "ifs" for this reality to be it

I'm sorry.

Holiday Song

All dressed up in a suit
Holding on to the memories
A lane with the bricks well worn

Snow crunching under boots
Strangers cutting down the trees
Celebration like a newborn

So hang out by this digital fire
A welcome rug fit for desire

Neon lights, welcome to the neighborhood
Winter nights, never have I felt this good
How can things ever go wrong
When someone's listening to a holiday song?

There's nothing left to lose
With December falling free
Waiting for that perfect storm

Winter Nights

Hopelessly chasing the sunset
While watching the black trees gallop
Head against glass, this road ain't moving fast
Boy I just can't wait for the TV

I've got nothing better to do
A penny saved is a lesson earned
Tied up with a bow, how could I ever know?
A nice small gift from you to me

Cold winter nights keep me up
When happy holidays get me down
Stuck here, I've no idea what
We're doing hanging around

Cold winter nights keep me up
When holidays get me down
Because I'm spending it without myself,
My friends, my own lost and found

When there's a sign
That the trail is rough
Please let me know
And I'll dig you out
Tonight

After All

Hold on a minute here.

Let me bask in the glory that is my 3 AM loneliness.

The air is still.
There's only the sound of monotonous breathing.

And the faces or lack thereof staring back at me
With those fake longing eyes that greet me
"Come on in, the water's just right"
It's always just right for me.

After all, it's all in my head.
After all.


The dark is slowly creeping in and I'm barely surviving,
Burying myself in artificial light before I let my black sheet swallow me.
I'll be gone for a bit.
But don't you worry.
I'll be back.
I hope.

It's a place that I'm afraid to visit.
Once I'm there, it can go either way.
Once I leave, I want to immediately go back.

But Life won't have it.
Life shackles me to this timeline.

I can go any direction as long as it's forward.
I pick whatever branch I want to follow.
It's my fork in the road,
But I have to pick nevertheless.

Do I make bad choices?
Did I make a bad choice?

Should I have given permission?
Should I have taken those steps?

Yet, the question remains:
Why do I continue to sit here
At 3 AM,
Following a horrible routine?

914 - Square West

What's wrong
with a little bit of good fun?
I know,
I know that the work's never done

But you can still always crash at my place
Tear down the walls, lay on the floor
Make yourself at home, maybe get to first base
I'll try my best to make sure you're not bored

Hey now,
Why are you always on the run?
I know,
I know that the work's never done

As if I had a choice to crash at your place
Tear down your walls, lay on your floor
Make myself at home, daydream about first base
I'll try my best to make sure I'm not bored.

Hey now,

Hey now,

Hey now,

Hey now,

What are you waiting for?

I'm waiting for the difference between me and you
I love the music, the sound, the change in the mood
It's as if we never had a chance to choose
I love the feelings, the greens, the reds, and the blues

But now there's too much left to say
But now I'll let you have your way