Routines

Get up.
Take a shower.
Get dressed.
Eat a quick breakfast.
Prepare all the things for the office.
Tell the girl in my bed to lock the door on the way out.

I'm too damn trusting.

The drive to work is a long and thoughtful one.
My mind wanders between suicide and the girl I love.
Sometimes the two mix.
During those times, I drive faster.

During those times, I stop off at Starbucks for a disgusting brownie as a memory.
I throw it up later because I'm sick of missing her.

My boss asks me what's wrong. I tell him that it's the usual. He doesn't know what the usual is, but he understands not to bother me.

I thought my career would be better than this. I never thought that I'd be stuck between cardboard walls staring at a computer screen for hours on end.

Everyday I'd go home missing her more and more.

Every Friday, I'd bring home a girl and fuck her until I couldn't take it anymore.
Until my mind became empty of any thought at all. The only thing I concentrated on was the moans from the girl under me. There was no substitute.

There could be no replacement.

It's almost pathetic that I couldn't move on. That I have to suppress my feelings because they're not the same.

I woke up.
Took a shower.
Got dressed.
Ate a slow, big breakfast.
Took extra care in preparation.
Told the woman in my bed to take as long as she wants before leaving the house.

The drive to work was a simple one.
It went from things I had to do to things I might have forgotten.
Sometimes the two mix.
During those times, I think harder.

The boss said "Good morning" as he passed me today. He peeked in and gave me a smile and a list of things that needed to be done.

I told him I already did it.

"Good work."

I went home.
The door was locked and there was no trace of someone else in the house.

The phone rang.

That was different, since no one called my house.

I picked up the phone hesitantly, thinking of the terrible sales pitches coming my way.

"Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Hai!"

I dropped the phone.
All the feelings I tucked away earlier had flooded back. I didn't forget about her. I could never forget about her. I loved her too much.

"How have you been?!"

I was speechless. I almost cried right there and then.