Darkness

I'm running through problems
Can't break through them
Can't bring them down

They're not problems, per say
Just issues.
Things I don't know I want to deal with.
Things I feel would bring other things down.

It's nothing bad.
In fact it happens to everyone.
Eventually.

And the thought has crossed my mind
Many times while crossing the street

That blinding white light we're told to stay away from
Instead of embrace.
Why? I'm not scared of that light.
Just afraid of how I'm going to get there.

Waiting for the roof to come caving in.
For me to explode.
Internally.
Letting my mind wander to places that it shouldn't.
Is it true? Is it not?

Who knows really?
A doctor probably.
There's probably nothing to face.

Not that I want to face anything.

Instead, I'm biting my fingernails,
Listening to the same music,
Listening to the same professors,
Listening to the same architecture.

Everyday I value sleep more and more.
The dreams are what I miss and fear the most.
They're inescapable really.

If I had the choice of sleeping without that colorful imagination
I don't know if I'd take it.
Because dreams can be better than reality.
In fact, they mostly are.

There are no limits.
Even I doubt that statement, however.

Even in my dreams you pull away.

Ah well, life goes on.
Until it doesn't.
But even then.
Even then I doubt that statement.

The leaves, the plants, the animals, the small children have no higher knowledge.
They are not afraid. Even when they are, you can't imagine their emotion.
It's not the same.
The tags and titles we attach to those chemical reactions are nothing more than generalizations.

Perhaps this is the wrong place for this.

I feel like I could spill everything.
I feel like it wouldn't matter.
In a good way.

Instead I have this pounding at the back of my head.
My skull holding my brain splitting in two.

Is home the remedy?
I don't even know.