After All

Hold on a minute here.

Let me bask in the glory that is my 3 AM loneliness.

The air is still.
There's only the sound of monotonous breathing.

And the faces or lack thereof staring back at me
With those fake longing eyes that greet me
"Come on in, the water's just right"
It's always just right for me.

After all, it's all in my head.
After all.


The dark is slowly creeping in and I'm barely surviving,
Burying myself in artificial light before I let my black sheet swallow me.
I'll be gone for a bit.
But don't you worry.
I'll be back.
I hope.

It's a place that I'm afraid to visit.
Once I'm there, it can go either way.
Once I leave, I want to immediately go back.

But Life won't have it.
Life shackles me to this timeline.

I can go any direction as long as it's forward.
I pick whatever branch I want to follow.
It's my fork in the road,
But I have to pick nevertheless.

Do I make bad choices?
Did I make a bad choice?

Should I have given permission?
Should I have taken those steps?

Yet, the question remains:
Why do I continue to sit here
At 3 AM,
Following a horrible routine?