Undulate

Back and forth.
And back and forth again.
I kept falling in between this dream of a better place. Not perfection, per say, but somewhere where the dirt under my fingernails didn't become an unwanted daily routine. Oh ho, this place wouldn't have to be perfect, but it would also be all relative. A place where the chorus of angels would be heard outside my window everyday as the sun gently touched my face and left soft shadows on yours. Where every shade was a highlight and every smile was another day gone. I would keep trying to open my eyes to convince myself that this was real and you would keep laughing at my attempt. Your face would scrunch and I would drown in the sheets.

Back and forth.

But instead of cotton, I wake up to concrete and mud dried on my face. My ridiculous attempt at survival is a tidbit of comedy to the public. The vehement expression on my face wiped all smiles and crashed all shadows. Any window would be lucky to be whole when the sun poisoned its delicate construction and whatever hid behind it. I couldn't breathe but it was like my prayers were answered. In those few lifeless moments, I was back where I though I belonged. I was someplace just outside of home. The mud left a crust on my cheeks, but I was in no rush to brush it off. Let them think what they think. Let them see this dirt on my face and run to conclusions while their feet carry them faster than they know. They're there before they left, and their left is left for dead. They drag themselves along for the right of way only to die in a frenetic mess on the trashed concrete.

I stood up.

I looked towards the door, hoping to make a break for it. I shouldn't have stood up so fast. My blood liked where it was, resting and catching its breath. I stood there with my legs slightly apart, head in a daze, not sure which way to run. Not enough strength to jump to conclusions here. I didn't know where everyone was located or whether or not they were already on me. My jacket hung on me in drapes as I stumbled forward.

Mistake.

I continued to stumble and ended up exactly where I started. The laughter started to chime in again, and I fell back into that dream land with mud baked to my face. I closed my eyes in the most natural way possible, as if this is what they were made for all along. A window shade on this horrible world. Sudden shocks would jolt them open and make me remember. Open, then closed. Open again. Back and forth.

Back and forth.