Shredded (Scorn)

Part of me wants to stay up and slowly die.
The other wants to go to sleep and over analyze the details.

Listen, where'd I go?
Where did I go wrong?
Where did I go wrong recently?
Where did I go wrong recently and why?
Where did I go wrong recently and why am I doing this?

I'm yelling into your ears and drowning your remaining years.
No longer can I watch TV and wonder if you and me could end up like that.

It's too far down the line now.
It's way past any crossroads.

I picked my path and if I try to cut through the woods separating the two, things will only get worse.

I don't want to say I'm sorry.
What does sorry mean anymore?
I overused it and now I don't know what to say anymore.

Where is this going? Please please please don't toss me aside.
I'd only be doing it to myself, though you don't seem that interested.

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He listened closely to the words in the wall. The syllables echoed but didn't reply. There was no chance of figuring out what the definition of those sentences were. When the walls cave in, who will be there to keep him up? When the floorboards give out, where will he be? Now that the other days are gone and the curtains are picked up, where's the drama? Where's that thrill and excitement? Let's say he did succeed. Where does he go from here? These were the moments that encouraged a teenager's scapegoat. The parents, the pills, the sex. Shadows poured over his body and he swallowed every depressing piece. Every ounce of sorrow caressed his body. His pillow became salty and his arms numb from coldness and pressure. Every day's goal made him feel worse in the end. Is this procrastinating or thoughtful thinking? Wait. Just keep waiting. The moment will either pop up right in stride to his feelings or leave him standing on his own. Little movements, little thoughts, little emotions dissolved his frustration and he felt special. But everyone was special. If everyone's special then no one is. Does that put him back at square one or give him a dilemma with the weight of relationship hanging in the balance?